Spring really feels like it has sprung, with the beautiful, warm weather we just had for a few days and the rain over the last 24 hours. So we decided to make today’s A Little Bit of Humour all about Spring. We hope these put a smile on your face today.
If anyone has ever owned a pet, you know that they can be quite silly – both on purpose and unintentionally. The same is true for animals that haven’t been domesticated. So today, instead of memes and jokes, it’s all about capturing the right moment when animals are being funny. Even if they don’t realize it.
Teachers do some of the most important work in our society. They prepare the next generation to take the reins of society. They make and shape our future. They aren’t superheroes, but regular people, just like you and me. Which also means they have a sense of humour just like us. So today we are going to glimpse at the funny side of teachers.
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”
The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1,000 question math test which she took, and the score shows that she got them all right. “It took me two months to do this, and I got them all right on the first try!!”
“Oh you make me laugh” the science teacher says. He then pulls out a robot that he built which can do laundry, walk the dog, and shoot lasers out of its eyes. “Took me three months to build this beauty, watch and weep…”
Then the gym teacher comes laughing at all three of them. “You’re all idiots” He says. “Clearly I’m the smartest of you guys.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” The science teacher asks.
“Because I didn’t have to do any of that, and I still get paid the same as you!”
St. Patrick’s Day is only a few days away. You know what that means! That’s right! That means today’s A Little Bit of Humour is all about everything you associate with St. Patrick’s Day – Ireland, drinking, leprechauns, pots of gold, even the saint himself! The one thing about this day I will never understand though: how did a religious holiday turn into a day-long drinking festival?
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After a while, one man says to the other “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”
The other drunken man responds proudly “Yes, that I am!”
The first one says “So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?”
The other answers “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first responds “So am I!”
“Mother Mary and begorah! And what street did you live on in Dublin?” asked the second.
The first man answers “A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
“Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! And what grade school did you go to?”
“Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.”
The first drunk is now very excited. “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
The second thinks for a minute. “I graduated in 1964.”
The first one exclaims “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it; I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!”
About this time another patron walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
As he serves the new patron, the barman mutters under his breath “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
“Why do you say that?” the regular asks.
To which the barman replies “The Murphy twins are drunk again.”
The Centre is back open and with it, so is our fitness rooms and exercise classes. We are all anxious to get up and get moving after another long lockdown, so lots of people are heading to the gym. And with the weather improving (at least in theory – weather in March is so unpredictable!) even more are incorporating outdoor activities as part of their fitness routine. So why not make today’s Little Bit of Humour be about workouts? Hopefully a little chuckle will help get you through your next workout session.
Fitness That Way
I was looking for a gym one day, and I saw a sign saying “Fitness That Way” with an arrow pointing down the hallway.
“This seems promising,” I thought. I had wanted to get more of a workout. So I went down the hall.
At the end, there was another sign, this time directing me up a flight of stairs.
I went up the stairs where another sign directed me down a hall.
Then another, this time up two flights of stairs. At the top, more signs.
Now I was really curious and, being stubborn, I walked through two more halls.
Still following the signs, I walked down three stairs, out of the building, around the building, then back inside.
Still more signs! I was thinking of giving up, that I would never get to fitness.
But, like I said, I’m stubborn. So I kept following the signs. Up ten more flights, through five more hallways, down eleven flights, and up one more.
Finally, another sign. The last sign. It read “End of Fitness”
Someone please scrape me up off the floor.
Last week, we looked at the funny side of cats. Naturally, dogs come next. With their fun, lovable, joyful attitude, there is lots to love and laugh at when it comes to dogs. I know I see my little escape artist Houdini in many of the pictures below.
Anyone who has ever owned a cat should be able to relate to the below pictures. I know I sure do. Whether it is your cat laying on the project you just laid out to work on, knocking things of the table on purpose, or begging for pets and then getting mad when you oblige, cats are quirky creatures that bring us lots of joy and laughter – once you escape the claws!
Be sure to come back next week when we take a look at the humourous side of the cat’s mortal enemy, the dog!
February 14th is this Sunday, so how could we not make today’s edition of A Little Bit of Humour all about Valentine’s Day? We hope you enjoy both the jokes below and your Valentine’s Day.
Today’s edition of A Little Bit of Humour is in honour of our hard working members of law enforcement. They work hard to keep us all safe, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a little fun at times too! These made my step-dad, a retired police officer laugh. I hope you do too!
An officer conducting speed enforcement stops a young man for traveling in excess of 40 mph over the speed limit. The officer approaches the driver and says, “Well, 40 over…I been waiting for you to come along all day.”
Without pause, the young man replies, “I got here as fast as I could!”
Wife: I’m heading to the store, do you want anything?
Husband: I want a sense of purpose in my life… I seek fulfulment and completeness within my soul… I want to connect to my being and discover the spiritual side of me…
Wife: Be more specific… You want Rum or Scotch.
Husband: ………….Scotch please.
Well, we are part way through the second lockdown in less than a year. This can be a trying time for many, but there are definitely opportunities for laughter. Poking fun at a difficult situation can make it seem a little less trying. Hopefully these bring a smile to your face!
A New Year’s Lecture
On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the parking lot and walked home.
As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?” asked the officer.
“I’m on my way to a lecture,” answered Daniel.
“And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year’s Eve?” enquired the officer sarcastically.
“My wife,” slurred Daniel grimly.