A few months ago, we brought you the first Dog Edition of A Little Bit of Humour. Now we are back with Round 2 of everyone’s favourite good boys! Do these remind you of your own dogs? I know they remind me of mine!
The Comedy Wildlife 2021 competition is still open for entries! The closing date is the end of this month, June 30th. That didn’t stop the organizers from releasing a few of their favourite submissions to date! Take a gander at the images below and if you have a few funny pictures on your camera, consider submitting them to the contest. As their website says, “We know you probably didn’t go to any exotic locations lately, but let’s be honest, one year our winner was a wild hamster from suburban Germany, and another year the winner was a squirrel.” (via People.com) There is even a picture from good ol’ Southwestern Ontario. Can you guess which one?
Ok, so it wasn’t that hard to guess which picture was from Southwestern Ontario, but we all need an easy win now and then, don’t we? I was more than happy to help with that. 😀
Summer is coming and it’s starting to get hot – well it was last week anyway! We installed our window air conditioners last weekend and the kids have already been in the pool. So why not make today’s post about summer? Let the laughter begin!
Normally our Little Bit of Humour posts have a lot of pictures (often called memes online). But sometimes, some jokes are too long to capture in just a picture or two. So today’s post is dedicated to a few of those jokes that need to be written to be appreciated. Hopefully these give you a chuckle!
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse then yells the second man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse goes up to the third man saying, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets.” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man begins groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?” “Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer. “Nope,” replied the man. “OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer. “But it’s only $500,” replied the man. “Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'” and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.” “Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “OH, COME ON!,” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” “That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Today’s A Little Bit of Humour is about getting old. The aches, the pains, the going to the bathroom three times during the night… If we didn’t laugh, we would cry. So, let’s laugh!
A dad joke is a short joke, typically a pun, presented as a one-liner or a question and answer. They have been around for a long time, but were only given the title “Dad Joke” in the last few years. You will know a dad joke when you hear it, because, more often than not, you will groan at the punchline. Check out the groan-worthy dad jokes below.
I was going to learn to play the guitar but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.
With yet another Stay at Home order, kids are once again attending school online. Whether you call it distance learning, e-learning, virtual learning, kids are going to school without going to school. With having to deal with internet connection issues, keeping everyone on topic, and helping answer questions, it is stressful for everyone – the teachers, the students, and the parents. Even the grandparents are stressed about it as they often are watching their grandchildren so Mom and Dad can work. As stressful as it is on everyone, there are times it can be pretty funny too.
Yesterday was Earth Day, so we decided to recognize a day when we are all extra-conscious of the impact we have on our planet with a little bit of humour. The impacts of climate change are having a real effect on our planet, but we can’t be only gloom and doom about the subject. We have to be able to laugh too. Thus, today’s A Little Bit of Humour.
Today, we poke fun at ourselves! Canada is a great place to live and we are extremely proud to be Canadian, but we also know that we have our little quirks that make us unique (and awesome!). And we Canadians have enough confidence and are good natured enough to make jokes about our awesome country. So have a chuckle at our great country, eh? (Sorry!)
Spring really feels like it has sprung, with the beautiful, warm weather we just had for a few days and the rain over the last 24 hours. So we decided to make today’s A Little Bit of Humour all about Spring. We hope these put a smile on your face today.
If anyone has ever owned a pet, you know that they can be quite silly – both on purpose and unintentionally. The same is true for animals that haven’t been domesticated. So today, instead of memes and jokes, it’s all about capturing the right moment when animals are being funny. Even if they don’t realize it.
Teachers do some of the most important work in our society. They prepare the next generation to take the reins of society. They make and shape our future. They aren’t superheroes, but regular people, just like you and me. Which also means they have a sense of humour just like us. So today we are going to glimpse at the funny side of teachers.
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”
The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1,000 question math test which she took, and the score shows that she got them all right. “It took me two months to do this, and I got them all right on the first try!!”
“Oh you make me laugh” the science teacher says. He then pulls out a robot that he built which can do laundry, walk the dog, and shoot lasers out of its eyes. “Took me three months to build this beauty, watch and weep…”
Then the gym teacher comes laughing at all three of them. “You’re all idiots” He says. “Clearly I’m the smartest of you guys.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” The science teacher asks.
“Because I didn’t have to do any of that, and I still get paid the same as you!”
St. Patrick’s Day is only a few days away. You know what that means! That’s right! That means today’s A Little Bit of Humour is all about everything you associate with St. Patrick’s Day – Ireland, drinking, leprechauns, pots of gold, even the saint himself! The one thing about this day I will never understand though: how did a religious holiday turn into a day-long drinking festival?
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After a while, one man says to the other “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.”
The other drunken man responds proudly “Yes, that I am!”
The first one says “So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?”
The other answers “I’m from Dublin, I am.”
The first responds “So am I!”
“Mother Mary and begorah! And what street did you live on in Dublin?” asked the second.
The first man answers “A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.”
“Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! And what grade school did you go to?”
“Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.”
The first drunk is now very excited. “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?”
The second thinks for a minute. “I graduated in 1964.”
The first one exclaims “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it; I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self!”
About this time another patron walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
As he serves the new patron, the barman mutters under his breath “It’s going to be a long night tonight.”
“Why do you say that?” the regular asks.
To which the barman replies “The Murphy twins are drunk again.”
The Centre is back open and with it, so is our fitness rooms and exercise classes. We are all anxious to get up and get moving after another long lockdown, so lots of people are heading to the gym. And with the weather improving (at least in theory – weather in March is so unpredictable!) even more are incorporating outdoor activities as part of their fitness routine. So why not make today’s Little Bit of Humour be about workouts? Hopefully a little chuckle will help get you through your next workout session.
Fitness That Way
I was looking for a gym one day, and I saw a sign saying “Fitness That Way” with an arrow pointing down the hallway.
“This seems promising,” I thought. I had wanted to get more of a workout. So I went down the hall.
At the end, there was another sign, this time directing me up a flight of stairs.
I went up the stairs where another sign directed me down a hall.
Then another, this time up two flights of stairs. At the top, more signs.
Now I was really curious and, being stubborn, I walked through two more halls.
Still following the signs, I walked down three stairs, out of the building, around the building, then back inside.
Still more signs! I was thinking of giving up, that I would never get to fitness.
But, like I said, I’m stubborn. So I kept following the signs. Up ten more flights, through five more hallways, down eleven flights, and up one more.
Finally, another sign. The last sign. It read “End of Fitness”
Someone please scrape me up off the floor.
Last week, we looked at the funny side of cats. Naturally, dogs come next. With their fun, lovable, joyful attitude, there is lots to love and laugh at when it comes to dogs. I know I see my little escape artist Houdini in many of the pictures below.
Anyone who has ever owned a cat should be able to relate to the below pictures. I know I sure do. Whether it is your cat laying on the project you just laid out to work on, knocking things of the table on purpose, or begging for pets and then getting mad when you oblige, cats are quirky creatures that bring us lots of joy and laughter – once you escape the claws!
Be sure to come back next week when we take a look at the humourous side of the cat’s mortal enemy, the dog!
February 14th is this Sunday, so how could we not make today’s edition of A Little Bit of Humour all about Valentine’s Day? We hope you enjoy both the jokes below and your Valentine’s Day.
Today’s edition of A Little Bit of Humour is in honour of our hard working members of law enforcement. They work hard to keep us all safe, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a little fun at times too! These made my step-dad, a retired police officer laugh. I hope you do too!
An officer conducting speed enforcement stops a young man for traveling in excess of 40 mph over the speed limit. The officer approaches the driver and says, “Well, 40 over…I been waiting for you to come along all day.”
Without pause, the young man replies, “I got here as fast as I could!”